Donating this holiday season

We often find ourselves making split-second decisions to handle a problem as we try to raise these boys. Everyone does. Today was no different. And while we are not sure it was the best choice, once the words were uttered we rolled with it, to see where it took us.

Since we are traveling next week and Santa is visiting us at Grandma and Grandpa’s house this year, we opted to do our family presents early. This morning was our family holiday time – sitting by a fire, opening gifts to one another, warm tea at hand, mom and dad watching the boys play joyfully. Well, that is how we thought it would go. But with two boys up before 6 am, whining and asking to get up to open presents, the morning got off to a bumpy beginning. After too much, I grabbed a bag and declared that if there was any more whining over gifts, it meant they were spoiled and had too much. I would put gifts in the bag and donate them. For right or wrong, it is how I felt watching Elliott ask (demand) to open gifts.

Shortly after this we settled in to give gifts with no more whining. Elliott was allowed to pick the first gift he opened. It happened that he chose a big box of 50 blank rainbow note cards, a gift I thought he would love since he enjoys card-making for friends and family. He immediately started grumbling that he did not like his gift and scowling. I plucked it from his hand and put it in the bag, stating someone else would be pleased with the gift. I explained why it upset me and what thought I put into the gift. What really made me mad though is that he did not seem to care. I was appalled at how my child was acting about a gift. A GIFT!

Since I could not bring myself to scoop up all the toys and gifts, we ate our breakfast and tried again. Apparently something must have sunk in because he thanked us for later gifts, even new sheets and new pencils, though he did not seem as excited about them as he was about legos.

I do feel lucky that after each present both boys took time to play with each item before wanting to open another. But I see a need to teach Elliott manners on gift giving and receiving and a bigger need to start curbing my impulse to buy or give both boys too much at any time of the year. Otherwise we may have a new holiday tradition – a donation bag under the tree.

And on a side note, after three years, I think we have established another actual holiday tradition – fuzzy bright socks from Mike to Diana. And I was actually looking forward to them this year!

To counter Mike’s sock gift this year, I gifted some socks his way too. I bought them from Etsy to match a hat I knit last year.

Watching them grow up

Today each boy hit memorable milestones. Not that doctor check-list stuff, but ones that stand out to a parent. Not even the walking-talking-lose a tooth kind of milestones, but the stand out, memorable ones that make you a bit more amazed at your children that you will not forget for quite sometime.

Today was the book fair at Elliott’s school. After browsing and buying books for the holidays, I picked him up and went to the book fair again. We shopped for 30 minutes, with the goal of buying one book. Elliott observed other children being told they could also only buy one book and others buying a basket full. He asked why and accepted the answer. He pointed out gawdy pencils, little toys and various odds and ends meant to make a few extra bucks for the school and told me that we were not buying those today. And after browsing and comparing book after book, I asked what he was most interested in. I pointed out what books he had spent the most time with and then tried to step back while he decided. He surprised me by selecting a book on the Titanic (Titanic by Philip Wilkinson), stating that he was very interested in it and he needed to get it to learn the facts. To see him accept the limitations (despite of the tantrum we saw over more books, or maybe because of the tantrum!) and make a thoughtful choice in such a courteous manner made this mama proud.

And, on the 30 minute ride home… Elliott was engrossed in the pictures in the book. He was telling me about what he saw in the real pictures and the fake real pictures (realistic illustrations), asking questions, and really taking in the information that I knew and could provide (ah, that front seat parenting again). He then said (and I paraphrase here), “When I am an adult, I am going to make a movie about the Titanic. It won’t be for little kids, like one year olds. It will be for big kids, like teenagers. It will be sad. Some people will be on the ship when it sinks.” He added a few more details about his movie and then said, “I will ask a lot of dollars for it.” Why? I asked. “Because it will take a long time.” A long time to make the movie? “Yeah. And when I get home, I am going to make my Lego boat into the Titanic.” (I opted not to mention the numerous attempts to capture the story of the Titanic in video and documentaries. Why crush those dreams?)

And what did we read at bedtime, after Lego Titanic was in the initial construction? The new Titanic book, of course. Sneaky, the way history can be so inviting and interesting, working its way into the day to day.

So that could have been enough to make the day great. But Oliver found his own way to make me excited for his own growth.

Oliver is a boy of few words. Lately he has been adding to his vocabulary, but rarely does he choose to use words we feel he knows quite well. Tonight, I pretended to drop to sleep on his bed. He hoisted the big bin of Fisher Price people and all their household and farm items up next to me, with a big grin. These are the little vintage sets, not the newer, bubblier, bigger ones. I mention this because there are a lot of pieces in this box, ranging from vehicles to playground equipment to people to furniture. So I tuned in, to see what kind of play he had in mind. Typical Oliver play is to select two cars to carry around or dump the bin out, just because. Different than any other day, he wanted me to name objects, one after another, like he could not wait to hear the words. As he held up each object and heard the name for it, he often would look to his growing pile of previously named objects to classify it with others. When I said little girl, he heaped a pile of them together. When I said wagon, he searched for the other wagon. When I named animals, he followed it up with the noise they made and tried to find a match in his pile. If it took too long, he just grabbed another object, so eager to hear all the names. You could see the ‘gears’ working as he took in the language, categorized it and then tried to make the matches with similar but not identical items. This happened with Elliott one magical day too about this same age while we lived in Muncie. Elliott he ran pointing to objects in the kitchen and dining room, eager to know every object by name. And now, the same feeling as it happens with Oliver. Magical. No camera to document this milestone, no sudden change, but something inside is changing for Oliver. And I got to be there for it.