On our drive

For the (longish) car ride to and from school, typically the boys enjoy snacks and music, while playing with cars and reading books. Lately though, that was not enough to content them and we started listening to more audio books in the car. I will admit, I am not a huge fan of The Magic Treehouse books so those audio books were not grabbing my attention. But last week I found Little House on the Prairie at the library. It has been perfect for our drive. It is holding every one's attention and makes for a pleasant passing of time as Laura describes coming to and living in Kansas, with its golden waving grasses and wide sky. True we are in another part of Kansas and the land is much different than it was then. But it just makes me keep falling in love again to hear such lovely descriptions coupled with the views I am seeing each and everyday. Lovely sunrises and sunsets, golden green grasses, open land and a very big ever-changing sky. I am happy this week to find slivers of peace and happiness, as this week has offered few of those.

Donating this holiday season

We often find ourselves making split-second decisions to handle a problem as we try to raise these boys. Everyone does. Today was no different. And while we are not sure it was the best choice, once the words were uttered we rolled with it, to see where it took us.

Since we are traveling next week and Santa is visiting us at Grandma and Grandpa’s house this year, we opted to do our family presents early. This morning was our family holiday time – sitting by a fire, opening gifts to one another, warm tea at hand, mom and dad watching the boys play joyfully. Well, that is how we thought it would go. But with two boys up before 6 am, whining and asking to get up to open presents, the morning got off to a bumpy beginning. After too much, I grabbed a bag and declared that if there was any more whining over gifts, it meant they were spoiled and had too much. I would put gifts in the bag and donate them. For right or wrong, it is how I felt watching Elliott ask (demand) to open gifts.

Shortly after this we settled in to give gifts with no more whining. Elliott was allowed to pick the first gift he opened. It happened that he chose a big box of 50 blank rainbow note cards, a gift I thought he would love since he enjoys card-making for friends and family. He immediately started grumbling that he did not like his gift and scowling. I plucked it from his hand and put it in the bag, stating someone else would be pleased with the gift. I explained why it upset me and what thought I put into the gift. What really made me mad though is that he did not seem to care. I was appalled at how my child was acting about a gift. A GIFT!

Since I could not bring myself to scoop up all the toys and gifts, we ate our breakfast and tried again. Apparently something must have sunk in because he thanked us for later gifts, even new sheets and new pencils, though he did not seem as excited about them as he was about legos.

I do feel lucky that after each present both boys took time to play with each item before wanting to open another. But I see a need to teach Elliott manners on gift giving and receiving and a bigger need to start curbing my impulse to buy or give both boys too much at any time of the year. Otherwise we may have a new holiday tradition – a donation bag under the tree.

And on a side note, after three years, I think we have established another actual holiday tradition – fuzzy bright socks from Mike to Diana. And I was actually looking forward to them this year!

To counter Mike’s sock gift this year, I gifted some socks his way too. I bought them from Etsy to match a hat I knit last year.

Our sick day

Elliott is stringing beads. To decorate for his wedding. To Sofia. “Later, when we are adults.” He declared he is worrying about the decorations since she might forget as she will be busy with other wedding plans. As I hear how the marriage was arranged by them – “we talked and talked and talked, and Sofia said we should get married” – my five-year self comes back to mind. That first kiss I got, after being chased by a boy I thought I liked while playing house. And it makes me giggle over the cuteness of my little boy’s beginning of love and how he is making memories he might not forget either.

We have been home all day since Elliott is working on day #2 of a fever. Both boys must have needed the respite from the school day. Both have been crafting cards with stamps, pencils, and stickers, watching video after video, and just playing quietly.

I have savored the day too, despite the work I felt compelled to do with so much free time. Before 9:00, I had a load of dishes done, a few loads of laundry going or done, the house tidy, and Montessori labels printing out to laminate.  But, it has been quiet here, dimly lit, and with plenty of hot tea and a few pages of reading snuck in. I think that is what my body and mind needed badly too. It has been just wonderful! Now, we will roll into a family weekend with more holiday crafting, a wee bit of holiday shopping, and plenty of cozy time by our fireplace. Have a peaceful, cozy weekend.

Adjusting

Since starting my job two weeks ago, life has felt extremely hectic. After each long (very long) day, I have to muster a little extra patience for my boys for the car ride home, dinner preparations, and bedtime rituals. Every moment seems valuable, time I have to be engaged doing something or spending time with one of the boys. Even watching movies or TV shows to take time to relax still means my hands should be busy. Needle felting or knitting a Christmas gift or folding laundry are perfect multi-tasking activities.

On top of having mental stress as I transition to work, there are physical pains too. My knees, unaccustomed to so much up and down all day (really, even with two kids) are in varying levels of pain.

And I am tired. In order to be ready for the next day, exercise two to three times a week and still have quality time to read or relax, I am up too late every night. I had grand plans to pace myself each day and be in bed by 10:00 every night. Two hours after the children were in bed seemed like plenty of time to do a little bit of what I had to do and do a little of what I wanted to do. The reality of packing snacks for the car, running errands, checking email and the bank statements, planning meals, coordinating schedules, and many more things means I am just finishing those have-to-do things up by 10:00. And then I want to do something to unwind since I feel I could not possibly fall asleep after the energy put forth getting all the other work done.

These are my personal struggles with a new job, not to even address any transition difficulties at my new job!

But what is making it better is reflecting on the good happening. While Oliver is exposed to new children/friends and starting in the Montessori toddler community, where he has transitioned so much better than expected, he is still in the bumpy beginning. He is bring home a few bad habits from other children (more screaming, more pushing, and a bite here and there) and he is still upset to part from me on the community playground where we see each other two to three times a day. The good that is really making me feel good is seeing Elliott’s progress at his school. After a conference with his teacher, I can tell he is rapidly taking to materials and lessons he could not or would not do with me, growing beyond friendships with younger children to encompass children his own age while still helping and caring for younger friends, and developing a strong sense of ownership and responsibility towards his new community at school. The way he acts and talks about his school in two short months makes me feel that whatever stress and sacrifice it takes will be worth it.

And a positive note for me... with all the activity of my classroom and lack of sheer time to eat, or energy to even eat, I am down to my weight before I had Elliott, beating my original goal of weight loss. So in 10 months, I have lost 22 pounds, 17 of that in the past 3 months. It feels good to cinch my belt tighter and contemplate a trip to the thrift store for another size of clothing, one I have not seen in over 7 years.

Here are pictures of the past few weeks… And they may not be perfectly cropped or altered for lighting.  But, like I said, it is a bit hectic here. I know you will be understanding.

Elliott is making a dog toy with the yarn and knitting dolly.

After coloring his window art at home and reading about cathedrals with stained glass Elliott was writing about it with the movable alphabet. Here is what he was conveying: stained glass is stained. rose w_____ (windows)...

Oliver's first day of school

  

Elliott is working with older boys in the class on the addition bank game. Seeing him work with the golden bead materials is so thrilling since it was something we could not do one-on-one in our home environment. It is such a strong foundational material for mathematics in the classroom too.

Elliott is sorting blindfolded, a fun game with a purpose!

Elliott was thrilled to fill three rugs when writing with the movable alphabet. Words listed, translated from phonetic spelling as needed: cat, bat, sat, boo, root, cake, back, jat (?), bat, sat, bad, sad, rats, boot, hoolhoop, bob, sob, blood, cup, pup. While Elliott can write print, I am happy he is getting back on course with cursive (teaching cursive first was my training too). While he develops a hand for writing cursive with a pencil, he can still write as much as he wants, and much faster, with the movable alphabet.

Grace and courtesy practice with friends - Elliott is the visitor being served tea. Elliott felt very proud to be allowed to serve Mr. Jim, a visitor to the classroom later.

Soldier for the 'yoonyin' (as written by Elliott) for Halloween

Oliver as a firefighter. By the second house, he knew to run to the door and demand 'treeeat!"

On a day off from school, Elliott got to go to K State with Mike, napping while Mike did meetings with students.

Elliott went to the art museum with Mike to draw on his day off of school.

Elliott created his own dog, Fang, to demonstrate he could care for him and walk him on a leash to prove he is ready for a hamster. So far, Addy's bowl has been a bit dry at times, and her stomach has to growl a bit before he notices. We may be a little ways off from a pet hamster.

New job

So I spend time planning, shopping, chopping, slicing, dicing, all in the name of serving a healthy home cooked meal. And the boys generally eat some of it and I feel good. But I cannot think of the last meal they asked for seconds of. Typically, they sample some of everything, eat their favorite item, and then scoot off to play.

Tonight was different. Elliott asked for more after eating a giant bowl. Then Oliver, the child who I have never heard spontaneously demand more dinner, cried out “More!” We had a busy afternoon after naps with a job conference call, playing at the park and carousel, and a quick trip to the library. So, when we walked in the door, little time was left for dinner.

I bet you want to know what they wanted more of.

Ramen noodles. Ramen frinkin’ noodles. With a side of green beans, which neither boy touched. Elliott showered praised on the noodle, saying how great they were, such a good food for winter, how we needed to buy more.

Normally this would be a blow to me. I like cooking good, healthy meals and see some enjoyment come from them. Today though I learned my new job in a primary Montessori classroom would start a week earlier than I originally thought and I am suffering through lots of (pre-)working parent stress about the decision. I am thrilled both my boys will be able to attend Montessori schools as I had hoped, and stay enrolled all year long, now that I have a paycheck to afford it. But it will be long days for everyone. Will the boys be happy going to school full days? How will Oliver transition to all day away from home and mom with so many new, young children around? How will I handle the sick days and schedule conflicts with boys at two different schools? Can the dog wait all day for us to care for her? How will this effect Oliver’s sleep and his moods, (hopefully) napping at school and then going to bed much later than normal? How will I cope with the new position I am walking into, the class and the staff all in their rhythm? Will we have enough down time for everyone when we are home? Will I have enough energy leftover for the boys at the end of the day?

So with all that on my mind for the past four weeks, well, really as long as I have been applying for jobs, I can find a little comfort that the boys happily and heartily eat ramen noodles. I think we will be buying and eating more of that in the near future, for some of the nights we roll in the door and dinner needs to be on the table in five minutes.

With that said, to all the few readers who do pop over here, I will likely cease blogging. I will keep the site open, just in case. But with such a high value now placed on free time, the list of things I would rather be doing with the boys will win out nearly every time. So I am not saying good bye, but I know it might be a long break.

A little love and logic

We were going to go hiking. We were driving out of the apartment complex. And Elliott was asked to cease a loud, irritating behavior because it was distracting for driving. He threw the item of concern and started going bananas. The car stopped. We waited for some behavior to change, but instead it increased to nasty giggling and then crying to go and kicking. So Mike pulled around to our apartment. And then Elliott was begging not to go back home. And then he was screaming and crying. I removed him from the car. Then he started hitting. I stopped and said “this is so sad.” And that stopped him for a moment. He resumed until we reached the apartment. I sent him to his room to take a break and calm down. Once he was done being angry, he wanted a hug. Then I explained that I felt really sad we had to miss out on the hike and that he was so angry that he hit me. I asked him if he had any ideas how to fix the situation. He kissed me and then thought for a moment. He asked if he could do one of the chores we had discussed the other day (his new weekly chore list, with choices of jobs to be completed each weekend). I said that was a great idea, and would make me feel better. After he looked over the list, he selected cleaning the bathroom. Since it was the first time, I explained each step and then allowed him time to complete each section.

When he was done, instead of flaring up again, or asking to be left alone, he asked if he could help with dinner. (To be fair, I asked if I could make the drumsticks he selected today at the grocery while he was cleaning the bathroom.) We worked side by side on drumsticks, he picked the vegetable, and together made these apricot bars for dessert and tomorrow's breakfast.

cutting butter for a double batch of apricot bars
(ignore the mountain of butter and make them!)

The way this all unfolded was a big deal for me because I lose my temper, easily, very easily, when the boys get out of control. And, while it might seem obvious, it does not help them get under control when I am getting angry or upset. Hmmm. I wonder why! I have been reading Love and Logic Magic for Early Childhood: Practical Parenting from Birth to Six Years. I hate the cover graphic, the format was not the easiest to follow, and I don’t care for all the examples the authors lay out, especially when they make leaps from not disciplining your toddler to wild teen behaviors with no real support for such arguments. But by taking the meat of the book and applying it to our family in my mind, I was able to see the main points and put them into practice. The main idea is to give your child the opportunity to make mistakes now and learn from the consequences while they are young. And when they do make mistakes, if the adult stays calm and shows empathy, it sets the stage for better learning from a situation (sounds easier here than in application!). Because the boys are different ages, I made notes about how to approach each child’s situations. Elliott gets to spend more time problem solving when a mistake is made while Oliver is still learning that a behavior is not appropriate and that it will not be allowed. While the Love and Logic approach may not be for everyone, and I realize I might fail to follow everything the way I plan, the past few days have been far better than I realized they could be. I had my doubts and I am happy to find I was wrong.

The key to staying calm? Having a phrase to utter, with lots of empathy, when something happens. I chose “This is so sad” and from there I feel under control. No fake empathy either because it really is so sad. I can then state the problem and roll into a logical consequence. That is only part of the plan and part of the book’s approach, but getting started is the one of the hardest parts for me - staying cool and not allowing his problem to overtake me. Here are examples that I can see happening, all giving me a good start to staying calm with my initial empathetic phrase.

“This is so sad. You are throwing food off the table so you have to leave the table.”

“This is so sad. When you behave like this, we cannot take you to the park.”

“This is so sad. You broke Grandma’s vase throwing the ball. How can you fix this? (Pause for thinking) Would you like some suggestions?”

And so on…

 And, like the authors promised, at the end of the day, while we may have had to give up part of our day to challenging behaviors, in the end, I feel happier and less worn out and the boys are sweet and happy. Oh, and in the case of today, I have a slightly cleaner house.

A little grocery store adventure

Taking Elliott to the grocery store means a few new foods will come home. He is ever interested in trying something new or something we have not had in a long time. Today was no exception. Rutabagas, shrimp, a new shape of pasta, pepitas, a new frozen veggie mix, and strawberry cream pudding made their way to our cart. I am likely to say yes to most things, provided we needed something similar to it anyway. But I am known to cave on non-essentials too, even if I am not sure anyone will like it (uh, like the strawberry cream pudding). I will put a limit on how many new things from any given aisle though. For instance, today in produce he got to pick one fruit and one veggie.

Elliott was drawn to the rutabagas today since we last bought them months ago. I wanted to make soup, so I was glad to revisit them. Elliott introduced us to these over a year ago as his grocery store selection back then and was happy to watch how to prepare them and, when ready, eat them with his soup. So when he wanted to get jicama, I was willing to find out what it was and how to prepare it. Though I admit, because of placement, I assumed it was a fruit.

After this YouTube video, we figured out how to pronounce it, how to peel it, and what to do with it. And I am glad to see after a little Internet research, it can be served in fruit salads or treated as a veggie for soup or used in a "potato" salad, as in this recipe.

Anything exciting coming home with you from the store?